So, six weeks in, some simple rules and observations on motherhood.
1. You CAN have too many shoes, as they sit there in the cupboard looking so pretty and grown up and reminding you of when you used to have occasion to wear them. But you can NEVER have too many muslins. We have 36. It’d be enough to open a small jam or cheese factory. Yet there is never one to hand. This is not surprising when they use one during a feed, then it mops up the inevitable ‘posset’, plus the ‘hilarious’ wee mid nappy change, and then times that by two. Plus we need them in the nursery, the living room, our bedroom…I am seriously thinking of buying another 36. Or sewing Velcro onto them and just sticking them to the twins or holstering them in some kind of Mummy muslin action belt.
2. Why are all things babyish so, well, babyish? They really don’t care whether their nappies have pictures of teddies and fluffy bunnies. They can’t see properly! They don’t know what a rabbit IS! I am seriously considering launching a range of nappies with Page 3 models on them. Seriously. It would inspire Dads to help with changing plus I don’t know whether you’ve noticed but babies have A Bit Of A Thing for boobs too. Ditto the inane tinny nursery rhymes on any musical equipment. They just like music. Heck, I like music too. How about a bouncy chair with an MP3 socket and Chazza nodding along to Nicki Minaj? Because – oh lowest of low points – I caught myself humming ‘if you’re happy and you know it’ whilst cooking dinner last night.
3. You will never have a hot drink again. The house is littered with forlorn mugs of tea that were made and then abandoned when someone decided their beverage needs were more important than mine. Yet I still, pathetically, live in hope. 15 minutes before a feed I put the kettle on, and then 15 minutes before a feed I make it as far as the living room and putting the mug down on the table…45 minutes later, as someone has dropped off in my arms and I don’t dare move, I try to convince myself that tepid tea is actually quite nice. It’s not.
4. Do not call work colleagues until you have warmed up, so to speak. When your mouth has only been used to chunter ‘oo, what a big burp, who’s a clever girl, that’s the loudest burp I ever did hear, you could get a degree in burping from Burpingham University and everyone would burp in appreciation when you graduated’ and equivalent all day, it comes as a bit of a shock to the system when you’re asked about potential business models and what the search marketing strategy might look like and you’re actually expected to respond.
5. Always check for leakage (sorry gents). I thought I was looking well fly yesterday in The Outside World, but milk had managed to get through a pad, a bra, a vest top AND my shirt and I didn’t realise till about 6 hours later. Hopefully people thought I had just gone a bit crazy with the washing up. Hopefully.
Anyhoos. I realised you haven’t had any pictorial updates of late, so here are my fair maidens at 6 weeks now (blimey time flies – actually, no it doesn’t, it feels like double that, which is probably on account of the fact I don’t sleep anymore so it IS!)
Talking of sleeping – o most wondrous day – they slept through the night last night! We actually had to wake them at half six (and resist the huge temptation not to!) Please God, please God, pleeeease let this not be a one off!
Finally, two other random observations, on which comments most welcome.
So, I was always a cheese person. Puddings, meh. Chocolate, nah. Cheese – oh bathe me in it, would almost admit myself to Death Row so I could request it as a last supper. During pregnancy though it made me go all pink and sweaty, and I consoled myself with the fact that when I popped them out I could indulge again. But some of the oozy miracles that Jon bought me as my pushing present are still sat in the fridge, I got the sweats in a cheese shop last week, and I have an absolute craving for chocolate (so much so my lovely, LOVELY partner has just sent me a Hope & Greenwood truffle delivery). I thought all this nonsense ended post partum? Or is it because I’m still BF?
Yawns. No one quite knows why we yawn but what is inarguable is the fact, when someone else yawns, try as you might, you can’t help yourself doing it. One theory is that it’s Mother Nature’s signal that oxygen levels are low eg if there was a fire, so that you need to store air in order to escape. Try it. Seriously, you just can’t prevent yourself from doing it. EXCEPT when the twins yawn, I don’t. I think I have discovered a new medical fact. Because, presumably, Mother Nature overrides her rule in this case as she wants you to take them out too. Hm. I would write a paper for the Lancet except I have 36 muslins to order 😉