Twice Upon A Time…

…is what I’ve decided I would call a book about the Piglets Walsh. This made me cry as I told Jon. There is very little that doesn’t make me cry at the moment. Not in a Baby Blues way but in a hormonally flooded that-is-so-cute way. This is especially true of little Harry on Junior Masterchef Australia who keeps dropping and burning things. The combination of JMA and DISNEY, for that is where they went for their challenge – baking cupcakes for the Mad Hatter, fish for Donald and Daisy Duck – has been almost too much to bear.

I am still sticking to aged 5 for their first visit – with princess makeover and riding the Alice cups – but then I think we will need to go again at 10 so they can go to Discovery Cove and swim with the dolphins like their Big Bro.

Talking of which, managed to coax him into helping with a relatively quiet bath in order to convince him that’s what they’re always like (and check out the cute ‘the force is strong in you, halfling’ Jedi robe) only for, when he was very helpfully lifting Charlotte out (my stomach muscles have still not entirely reappeared, though this, of course, implies they actually ever DID), the little miss to wee down his best trousers. Which leads me onto Baby Related Mystery #1:

Why is the advice to change them before a feed? I get that, then if they get all sleepy, you can put them straight down, but ours compete over how much effluent they can produce, including when said soggy nappy is taken off – they both have an uncanny knack of finding the precise 2 seconds between nappies to projectile pee/pooh, usually over Jon’s dressing gown (‘posseting’ – what a delightful euphemism for vomming, makes it sound like something you’d get with lemon, bacon and thyme Chez Heston – is reserved for my left shoulder and anything covering it).

Mystery #2: why are human babies so defenceless? Even giraffes can stagger to their feet in minutes. What evolutionary advantage does it hold? Is it purely to make your heart break and swear to protect them for ever?

Mystery #3: where does time go? With the arrival of the twins back home, we also seem to have brought with us a small space-time warp, located somewhere in the living room. We only feed them every four hours. That should allow at least 3 hours between feeds. But I can only achieve one thing every day, and usually that’s something like going to the post box at the end of the road.

Hm. Other exciting news from Peckham:

We had another outing! To the Rye (Peckham – so up and coming, it’s not a Common, b-boom).

We got given, completely unbidden, two pairs of bunny shoes which helps Easter fancy dress no end.

We are trying them out in the cot during the day. How cute? Slight issue with our AWFUL Motorola baby monitor which seems only to work through doors because no house has ever been built that has actual WALLS means this has been put on hold, but. Fiona tip re the way they’re lying is that, with me still not tip top on the lifting front, it’s easier to pick them up.

Finally, the girls got kissed by their first politician. He wanted pictures for his website. Boris will be grabbing them next…I like to think Romilly is covering her ears deliberately here in order to avoid the political incorrectness.

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One thought on “Twice Upon A Time…

  1. i can clear up mystery #2 predators. haven’t been many for several millennia bar interfering mothers in law and drunk people. so need to stagger early on.

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