Clutching at double straws?

Me being me, I have obviously purchased every book available on Amazon on all things multiple, dragged Jon along to the twin antenatal classes (where he was very good, apart from revealing with the other male participants that they thought the average time needed to feed a baby was 5 minutes, HAHAHAHAHA!) and Googled away in the small hours.

The consensus is twins are undeniably a handful, so authors sometimes try chirpily to cut the gloom with a spotlight on what’s better about twins.

Emma Mahony’s excellent book Double Trouble has 213 pages on said trouble, and one – yes, one, and it’s double spaced – on Great Things About Twins. So from that, and assorted t’interweb musings, here is what I am supposedly meant to lie back and think of when, having squeezed one out next week, my tea and toast are delayed because there’s another round the corner.

1. You get to go shopping a lot, because no matter how many nappies you buy, there aren’t enough (this is meant to be positive?!)

2. If you’re in a mood with one, you always have the other

3. You never feel guilty asking for help

4. You get to eat 4000 calories a day

5. Nobody asks whether you’re going to have more (at least for a year)

6. You make proper use of BOGOFs at Tescos

7. You only have one birthday party to organise (this isn’t quite true as despite being 18 now Joe has asked what we’re doing for his 19th next year, when he’ll be at Uni – am I meant to drive up to Glasgow with some balloons and a Nandos voucher?!)

8. You become a local celebrity in the park (am not sure this is a positive, have had quite enough of the belly patting already, if strangers feel free to start poking around in the pram I may lose it)

9. You get loads of exercise. One twin Mum counted the amount of times she went up and downstairs one morning doing everything twice, forgetting everything twice…it was 59. Plus you get to carry two ever growing children so your upper arms get toned. It is true that everyone in the local twins’ club is remarkably svelte. Again, for those who know me, not convinced the words ‘exercise’, ‘good’ and ‘thing’ go together though.

10. Apparently, twins turn out to be more confident, supportive, self knowing and giving than the average singleton (to counter this, their social and language skills are delayed by up to a year because they exist in their little bubble, all the books warn of competitiveness, there are issues with learning/suppressing individuality…)

But the best, best one was “you get to come up with really neat Hallowe’en costumes”.

Well, that’s worth it then. I’ll get to work now on Jekyll and Hyde/Burke and Hare/Hindley and Brady outfits.

Seriously though, it’s going to be fascinating to watch. At the Twins’ Club they do seem to exist in their own little twin world, with a language only the other can understand (hence English coming a bit later). We have debated at what stage they realise twinness isn’t normal – one Mum was saying hers had been playing with a friend’s baby and asked if the other one was upstairs. Aw. And for identical twins, when do they realise the difference between the face they see beside them in the cot and the one in the mirror?

So, for a bit of gratuitous cuteness, here’s a pair in action:


Actually what I’m MOST looking forward to is, given we have sugar and spice squared now, Jon having to live in a temple of pink for at least a decade. And then the fact when they grow out of that, they’ll be hitting puberty as I shake hands with the menopause, creating a hormonal maelstrom. Mwahahahaha….

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